Ketchup is God's man juice
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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