My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
