so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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