Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
