bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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