He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
