you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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