wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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