yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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