Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
