the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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