I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Found the puke drawer
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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