after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
