kristin has been a bad kristin
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
