I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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