okay pat passed out under dana's car
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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