I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
