Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
It's official drugs can't kill me
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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