I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
