Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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