....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
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