Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
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did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
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I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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