you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
