Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
