i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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