I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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