Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
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