if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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