if i died would you start the facebook group?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
