Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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