Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
