You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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