I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Edward fifth and chaser hands
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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