just come out here and I will go home with you...
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I can't turn off my feet"
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
