I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
