dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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