hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
