I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I'm really busy with my period
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