I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
