saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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