Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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