Christians are straight up FREAKS
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
