well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
