her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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