His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
this boner is exhausting
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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