yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
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