bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
