I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
