this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
