so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just gift wrapped bread.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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