naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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