i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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