dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
