I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
