whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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