You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
