he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
