I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
do herpes really smell.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
