I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
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If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
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Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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