There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
