Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The police scanner is talking about you again....
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
