im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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