I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
