I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
