We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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