There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
