Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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