Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize